When I was 9 years old, my maternal grandfather died. He had been sick for several months. My parents had gone to his house to help my grandmother do the shopping, and had left me home with a babysitter. The babysitter and I were playing in the basement when I perceived (as in extra-sensory perceived) my grandfather in the rafters. He smiled, and told me "Everything is OK." I was not old enough to even be startled by it. I did sort of stop in my tracks and concentrate on him, and I did sort of say, "Hello." I had time to wonder what was it all about, but when the phone rang a minute or so later, I immediately knew that the call was going to tell us he had died. As I looked back to converse with him some more, he was gone.
That incident told me, beyond any doubt, that there was more to life than the physical. I carry that certainty with me today. As I grew up, I learned that this knowledge wasn't shared by everyone. In fact, there was no one with whom to discuss it. As time passed, I did run across people who believed in the spiritual or supernatural, but they all seemed to argue as to what it was about. Nearly all of them were taking it on faith -- they had no personal experience. They were "parroting" things they had been told or read from others. Still, they had some awareness that there was more to life than the obvious.
At the same time, I learned that most people thought my "knowledge" was mere superstition or illusion. "There's no such thing as a ghost," after all. In fact, the more I learned about science, the bigger this conflict became. Eventually it became something of an obsession to understand and to resolve the paradox.
I found no help at all in organized religion, and little more in years of studying psychic phenomena with the various new-age and ancient Eastern groups. There were bits and pieces everywhere, but there was no rhyme or reason with which to make a coherent, overall picture. At some point I decided to make one. I'm still working on it, but the search has not been totally fruitless. I've run across a few things that seem possibly profound -- or at least new.
So, a lot of this blog is going to be about the relationship between subjective and objective reality. The objective side is the stuff everyone can see and share and verify. It's science. I'm no scientist, but I've worked pretty hard to grasp the ideas and concepts of science -- especially physics -- and I think it's important -- vital even -- not to argue with what we know about it.
Bumping into a wall brings a certain sense of reality that simply cannot be denied. Einstein was right: physical objects in a 4-dimensional universe cannot go faster than the speed of light. If I'm going to "believe" in the reality of the subjective, I have to add that to physical, 4-dimensional reality rather than argue with it.
However, adding to the "laws" of science is a possibility. "Believing" in the laws of science as "Truth"-with-a-capital-"T" can become a subjective "faith" unto itself. Not everything is known, and certainly, not everything is understood. Even science admits to the possiblity that there might be more than 4 dimensions; and there might be other "parallel universes."
Furthermore, if the subjective isn't real, if it doesn't matter what each of us thinks/opines/intends, then responsibility, ethics, love, etc., are meaningless. In fact, meaning itself is meaningless. I think that's insane.
So, I'm left with the assumption that both the physical and the spiritual (aka subjective) are real, and the "trick" is simply to create a paradigm that includes both. That's easier said than done, but I'm working on it. Things may get a little wacky here from time to time, but I think it's worth the effort, and a boo-boo here or there along the way seems tolerable under the circumstances.
Life needs a story. Without a story, it makes no sense; it's meaningless. Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. It may be cyclical, but it's never a circle -- it's a spiral. This spring is different than last spring, even though they're both springs. Life moves, it changes. Life creates, it organizes. That's the difference between life and things.
This blog has snippets from my story of life. It's history, his-story. This story gives meaning to my life, and might be relevant for yours, too. Hopefully, it's meaning that makes living worthwhile, and maybe it makes dying worthwhile, too. With a good story, life might be just a bit easier to live, just a bit more sensible and sane.
Everyone is free to make her own story, of course, but it should be self-consistent and sensible if it's to be worthwile. That's what I'm trying for. Think about it with me. Consider it. If you don't like my story, make a better one, and please share it with me! Meanwhile, I hope you'll give mine a bit of your time and attention.
